I'm one of those people who gets really irritated at Christmas taking over the stores in late October. I'm in the middle of a month long Season of Thanks project with my son, so I'm totally paying my dues to November (if you didn't catch last week's episode yet, I talk all about it there, you can always check that out here). But...there are things that are really helpful to consider before December, so let's talk about a few of them.
There's a lot of advice available about how to simplify your holiday, and while simple is a worthy thing to aim for, I think it misses the mark. What's really important is that you have a meaningful holiday.
How can you have a more meaningful holiday?
The first step to having a meaningful holiday is to realize that your holiday experience is totally within your control. It's easy to feel like a runaway train when December days start rolling past. Add crazy busy schedules, buying habits, family expectations and the season can get completely out of control very quickly. But, slow down for a moment and breathe deeply. Realize. YOU are in charge of your holiday. YOU decide what it will and won't be.
While you can't make it snow and perhaps can't control all family obligations, you're responsible for everything else. And you probably have more control over those family obligations than you think. Like so much of life, if you don't intentionally create the holiday you most desire, others will create it for you. From retailers to well-meaning relatives, there are plenty of people ready to write your story for you. Realizing this...that I have the power over my own experience of the season, that I can choose to orchestrate what's best for me and my family...has forever changed my holidays.
Before you start thinking about what your holiday should be about, here are three things I want you to consider.
Separate meaning from people.
You can control your holiday and your experience, but you cannot control other people. If you place your holiday's meaning on the shoulders of someone else, you're going to be terribly disappointed eventually. People come and go for various reasons. Kids grow up and get married, families are split and reform, loved ones are lost. Don't hang the responsibility for your holiday experience on someone else. For example, I know too many friends who cannot experience joy in the holiday season because they don't have their small children underfoot. Cherish those times, when your kids are underfoot. But kids aren't little very long. Don't let your own joy become dependent on that (or any other) circumstance.
You're also not responsible for others' joy. You're only responsible for yourself. I'm not suggesting you selfishly ignore other family members needs, but I am saying that in the end, you make decisions that are right for you and your family.
Separate meaning from history.
I love traditions. Traditions provide comfort, continuity, and special significance to holidays, They become favorite moments year after year. But because something has always been, doesn't insulate it from the ravages of time. Circumstances change. If your holiday fulfillment requires the completion of traditions, when the traditions are disrupted, your meaning will be as well. And if the tradition can't be reproduced, you'll forever feel unfulfilled with your holiday.
Separate meaning from your schedule.
There are a million good and fun things to do each December, but doing them all wins you no prizes beyond exhaustion. Doing all the things does not mean you'll automatically have a meaningful season.
This points to one conclusion.
Meaning comes from the inside, not the outside. If the meaning of your holiday is drawn from an internal well, you can have a rich, meaningful season, no matter what your circumstances.
So, now is the time to ask yourself, what creates a meaningful holiday...for you? I spent some time in the last two years making changes to my holiday experience, but I'll be walking through really distilling what that means in my life right along with you this week.
After defining what drives meaning for you, the next step is to design the holiday that will create and enhance that meaning. What can you do to create experiences for you and your family centered around your meaning? Then comes the tricky part. Set limitations on everything else. There are things that you might just love to do that aren't really about your meaning, and that's fine. But, limit them. Be sure that what you're mostly doing is meaning-driven.
Episode Artwork
This week's art takes less explanation than usual because it's not an abstract. The candle represents the warmth, hope and guidance that a meaning-driven holiday can bring you. It's both a beacon and a centering.
For me, the holiday is about the birth of the Christ child. A white candle is used in traditional advent wreaths to symbolize Jesus. So, the candle in this piece is both the symbol of the meaning in my season and a reminder to create a season centered around Christ.
As you approach the upcoming holidays, and frankly any holiday throughout the year, realize that you can choose your experience. I encourage you to choose a meaning-driven one.
What if this year, you had your most meaningful holiday ever?